“In the corporate world, savings really means spending”

Melanie (CEO): Ah, Greg, we’ve done it! Another masterstroke of corporate efficiency! We’ve slashed costs by a whopping $150 million!

Greg (CFO): Agreed! Amazing, Melanie! We’ve invested $300 million in restructuring, and will realize $150 million in annual savings. That’s a 50% ROI!

Margaret (EA, raising an eyebrow): Sorry, Greg, maybe I am missing something here. But… doesn’t it concern you that we’re spending twice as much as we’re saving?

Melanie (waving dismissively): Not at all, Margaret! You can’t make an omelet without breaking a few… thousand jobs.

Margaret (deadpan): So we’re calling this “savings” while actually increasing costs?

Greg (not phased): Well, you see,

“We’re investing in leaner, more efficient operations.”

Margaret: Right! Because redistributing three jobs among one person has always been a seamless transition—with no impact on service levels whatsoever.

Melanie: That’s not the point! The beauty of it is in the announcement. We tell investors we’ve “streamlined operations.” That will boost our stock price. Investors are always happy to see this.

Margaret: And what about the fine print? When the company collapses under its own weight? And we’ll be re-hiring all these positions in nine months?

Greg: Margaret, Margaret… you must understand…. those won’t be the same roles! They will be new, strategic hires to support our “next phase of growth.”

Margaret: Ah, so when we cut jobs, we’re “increasing corporate efficiency,” but when we rehire, we’re “expanding strategically”…

Melanie (smugly): Now you’re getting it!

Margaret (leaning forward, unimpressed): And what happens when the work doesn’t get done, projects stall, clients leave, and operations grind to a halt because—………—we actually needed those people to do those jobs?

Greg: Simple!

“We’ll invest into a “market-driven talent refresh.”

Margaret: And when investors ask why we’re suddenly spending hundreds of millions on hiring?

Melanie (rolling her eyes): We’ll say…

“We’re investing in “human capital realignment!”

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